Episode 14 – Mutants and Wastelands


We’re back to fill your cup! Morning Rush returns with a steaming carafe of enjoyment, as Kris and Mikey discuss disintegrated meat, Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, and what shows they’d “demake.”

Plus a Mad Max quiz with a special — and horrible — guest!

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20 Responses to Episode 14 – Mutants and Wastelands

  1. Nicholathotep says:

    Do the radio drama. Please.

  2. Kyle_Douglas says:

    Dare you venture into the wasteland of words? The MAD rambling podcast commentary that threatens to hit the MAX word limit? The forced references? Either way, I hope you have a lovely day; oh what a lovely day.

    Opening: “If we don't get a change of clothes, I'm afraid we'll have a change of venue." Oh man, I could hear the murmuring chatter of a high-class dinner party after this turn of phrase.

    I was a bit surprised to see Mikey trust Kylee (Kylie? Kiley? I obviously have no way of knowing) with his laptop so shortly after her hiring. I think it's refreshing to see that level of faith and encourage Mikey to continue to do similar things and also to ignore the "remoteconnectpro" and "xtremekeylogger" that may or may not suddenly start showing up in his task manager.

    Commercial: "Have you ever wished that all the food you loved was available in one place?" My immediate thought was this was going to be a commercial attempting to raise awareness about grocery stores. Trying to get people to follow Albertsons on Twitter or something, heh.

    Quiz: I didn't get a single one right. 0/18. That may seem statistically improbable and something I would say to avoid risking Immortan's wrath if I'd actually beat him by 2 points, however, if I were faking a low score I'd obviously pick something more plausible like 8/18. The lack of that therefore proves my 0/18 is real and not a deception.
    … Keep the scary mask away from me.

    Voicemail: Wow, "particularly interesting" and "fascinating". That may be the highest praise Kris has ever given something I've submitted. I think I've got the topic for my next voicemail: "Is it ethical to encourage Kris' self-medicating caffeine infusions based on the theory it increases my own grandeur?"

    Wait, no. It should be phrased as "How ethical is it…" and then I can determine what denomination of a Starbucks gift card to send Kris. From the $100 "You're the Mother Teresa of Unlicensed Medical Advice" to the $15 "You Should be Beaten With a Sack of Doorknobs, Even if That in Itself is Ethically Questionable, You Monster."

    "He's like Shaft, but with a mask." Having this as the tagline of your movie should be the goal of every superhero filmmaker.

    I'm betting it was Kylee that tipped Mikey off about The Abyss release year (I'm surprised she had time between researching lube etiquette and finding out Red Skull's originally planned name was Hot Fudge). If the error hadn't been corrected I'd have made a gif dramatically zooming on the year in its IMDb page and then snapping to Kris smiling. It could have been lightly amusing. Damn you Kylee and your ridiculous wig hair!

    Er, sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah: I'm super glad you brought up Star Trek and Inception since it got me thinking about the deboot of Inception made in the '60s having the "BRRRRAAAAAAAAAAWWWMH" noise replaced by a theremin. Wow. Wow.

    Another solid episode. 18/18, would deboot again.

    • Jor-El says:

      Kyle, your “deboot” question. While that doesn’t happen ever in film, it happens with some regularity in comics, perhaps because its a less risky media for that sort of thing. During that whole discussion I kept thinking about Marvel 1610 (1601? Something 17th century?) and Marvel Noir and various steampunk deboots. I can see it happening in TV as a one off, but it might be too much for a movie studio. The cool thing is to set old stuff out of its era in some way, Romeo and Juliet style.

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        Well, you're super right about alternate-time-period "deboots" being way more common in comics, but it's still not quite what the topic was about. Could we make a "deboot" of Back to the Future set in the '50s and going back to visit the '20s today? Sure. The current Starz series Outlander is about a character from the 1940s visiting the 1740s.

        But that's quite different from the thought experiment of what if Back to the Future had been actually made in the '50s. We couldn't make Back to the Future with James Dean today. Mikey used the example of The Departed made 40 years earlier still being able to include Jack Nicholson, but he'd be playing Matt Damon's role instead.

        A Back to the Future literally made in the '50s almost certainly wouldn't include a character like Goldie Wilson, but it would probably include a character in the '20s with a "crazy idea" to make consumer-grade vacuum cleaners or such (and a version made today probably wouldn't, because consumer-grade vacuum cleaners are no longer novel from our 2015 perspective).

        So while Marvel 1602 is neat, it's still a definitively 2003-era work. Under the purely hypothetical deboot definition played with in this episode a "real" Marvel 1602 deboot would be in the style of Robin Hood ballad or Shakespeare play. Deboot a few centuries before that and you'd be an Arthurian legend.

  3. BostonSeanyD says:

    I sure do miss the BK broiler, thanks for reminding me of its chicken goodness.
    he's not exactly useless but Marvel had a mutant named Cypher who could instantly translate/understand any language. But they killed him off because he doesn't shoot lasers out of anywhere!
    That quiz was a real hoot, although it might be easy for the hosts, I think "Is this character from Mad Max or Boarderlands" would have been a pretty entertaining quiz.

  4. JDL says:

    The Mirror is most definitely a disreputable newspaper. . .

  5. Giggleloop says:

    There was a Kylie and two Kyles in this episode. Kyle is the new Doug.

    Not sure how HR / Station Management would feel about asking producers/interns/other staff to google "lube etiquette". Hopefully Safe Search is turned on.

    "You'll never get me–*shattered bone sounds*" killed me. Poor misunderstood Red Skull. The more I thought about Cap, the more I realized, wait hang on — blonde haired, blue eyed, super man, SS… Waaaaait a second. Was that intentional? Were they fighting the Nazis with their own idea of a member of the master race? (No really, I'm asking. Did they do that on purpose? I need to go read Cap's origin story…)

    I'd be surprised if, in the vast canon of Marvel history, there *wasn't* already some kind of "useless mutants" series, or at least one shot, out there. But I am intrigued by the idea, and not just because I enjoy reading comic books written by Mikey. :) I mean, in Fraction's Hawkeye run, there's not much superhero-y stuff going on. An X-Men book like that would be very interesting. Go for it, send em a spec for it. Proposed title – The Credible Eh? Men. (I'm still workshopping that.)

    I submit that no one is better at smashing words together than you two. The commercials continue to prove that. :)

    That quiz was delightful. And I was doing so well!!! 9 out of 10, only missed #10 (Bearclaw Mohawk? Seriously??) — and then you had to rapid fire 8 more questions & totally bone me. Blergh. Ended up 12/18. Consarnit!

    "That is the Kris Straubiest name ever Kris Straubed." <3 <3 <3

    Ok, seriously though – HOW MANY MOVIE REVIEWERS DOES NPR HAVE?! I don't make a habit of listening to NPR, but 95% of their programming must be different movie review shows. Maybe I can get my own. We've yet to hear any female reviewers. Just saying.

    I loved the old timey radio voices so so much. Did people in the 1940s just yell all the time? Seems like it. I would adore a radio drama from y'all.

    OH! Oh. I got it. Deboot the Zak Files and do it as a 40s radio program. *mind blown*

  6. SheanaM says:

    Ohhhh boyyyyy, as a lifelong hardcore X-fan, the X-Men part made me So Very Angry, hahaha. Well maybe not ANGRY-angry, but I was writhing in my seat mentally yelling "You are *factually* wrong!" like Mikey getting worked up over the Star Wars Prequels.

    So HERE GOES, a far too lengthy X-Rant: There are actually lots of mutants with terrible/useless powers and occasionally ugly mutated appearances, they go into that a LOT in the comics. That's the whole schtick of the collective of mutants known as the Morlocks, and various other random characters the main teams run into over the years. Heck, there's been multiple X-Men themselves that have had horrible times of it (Chamber, Skin, Beak, Glob Herman, etc). And honestly, Cyclops is an *awful* choice for picking on; the guy has literal brain damage from an injury that makes it impossible to control his powers, so he has to be very careful with special glasses/visors and is effectively blind without, and prone to accidentally destroying everything and everyone around him. It kinda sucks to be Cyclops! And y'know, I do agree about how the X-Men tend to work better on their own without any other heroes around, but that's something that's also explored in the great Marvels miniseries by Kurt Busiek. But really, it comes down to the fact that most other heroes were self or accidentally made in terms of powers, and are normal humans for the most part, while mutants basically pop up out of nowhere with often very traumatic and dangerous manifestations of powers that can kill or destroy very easily, and are often accompanied by weird physical mutations that can be viewed as deformities. Plus the fear of the increasing number of mutants eventually enslaving/replacing humanity, all that jazz. And hell, this is Marvel; even most of their regular heroes get lots of crap, compared to the more complacent hero-worship of the DC universe. See: Spider-Man and the Hulk.

    For reals though, there are some amazing X-Men comics out there; a lot of Chris Claremont's various X-Men books and miniseries from the '70s and '80s (X-Men, New Mutants, Excalibur…he wrote X-books for *17 years*!) are some of the best comic stories of all time, period, and overflowing with scifi space opera and fantasy sagas, time travel and dimension-hopping, horror and drama, the works. Bonus points for the fact that Claremont believed very strongly in dynamic storytellng and comics growing & changing over time (a lot of which was ruined afterwards by editorial mandate), and had a strong bent towards feminism & diversity that's still rarely matched in a lot of mainstream comics even today. Seriously worth checking out! And I think I've mentioned it before, but there's a delightful podcast called Rachel & Miles X-Plain The X-Men that's all about untangling all that history, going through all the characters and story arcs, and all sorts of fun related interpretations, critiques and commentary.

    Okay, now back to the actual Morning Rush podcast…. :)

    I think that was one of the best Celebrity Stumps yet, hah! Just how badly and for how long did Mikey's voice get blown out after all that? The unexpected friendliness and little asides of the character really made it, and "that is the Kris Straub-iest name ever Kris Straub'd" and Mikey getting completely thrown off by Nathan at the end killed me.

    Very interesting question and responses at the end there! Funny you should mention the '70s detective Batman idea, because there was an artist who was dabbling in concept art ideas for just that a few years back! It's pretty fun stuff.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      We stand totally in awe of your X-Men expertise.

      I was kinda riffing on the movies, not 60 years of continuity. Also, it's what I would do if I got the X-Men brand for a bit.

      Thanks for the corrections!

    • Giggleloop says:

      So we can all agree that you are our official X-pert now, yeah? :) Holy cow. You are awesome, Sheana.

    • Jor-El says:

      I agree that the main point behind “people hate mutants” is because its a metaphor for racism/oppressed minority. I mean, its no shock that most of the prominent homosexual Marvel characters are also mutants (best line in X2 “Have you tried not being a mutant?”), but as a long time Marvel fan, I get Kris’ point. Like, beyond being “born that way” there’s no reason that Johnny Storm is beloved but Firestar, Sunfire, Sunspot, and Magma are hated. And on the side of freaky looking and similar mutants/mutates you’ve got The Thing and mutants like Rockslide or Onyxx (RIP, Necrosha was harsh.) And then there’s the Inhumans, who are also “born that way” but because aliens and have a way higher chance of looking monstrous than mutants.

      The guy I feel bad about is Spider-Man, who beyond being possibly the only existing Avenger that still has a secret identity, has a newspaper pretty much devoted to hating on him and rarely gets love from the X-Men because he isn’t “one of them” (except in House of M where he pretended to be and was loved)

      • SheanaM says:

        Well, it's like I said up there. The big difference is that a lot of the other heroes are self made or accidentally made and the public is often aware of that, while mutants can quite literally explode out of nowhere with random power activations, an exponentially growing group of people with often traumatic and deadly interactions if not properly handled and trained. It's one thing to see the Human Torch out there fighting criminals, it's another to see your child or the neighbor's kid grow a rocky hide, shed some body parts and uncontrollably spew magma everywhere.

        Plus, even the more accepted heroes are fairly often treated poorly or deal with a lot of crap, because the Marvel universe in general is very suspicious of and hostile towards anybody like that. That's another thing Busiek addressed in the Marvels miniseries, actually!

  7. frostyplum says:


    Put me down as another vote for the '40s Star Trek radio drama.

    Immortan Joe sounds like an evil Muppet and I want him on at least every fifth show.

    Kris says "Pete's Dragon" a little like "Pizza Dragon," which would have given Chuck E. Cheese a run for its money back in the day.

    I'm glad Mikey realigned Kris as far as potential 1969 Abyss quality. Now, of course, I want an alternate universe where Kubrick made that.

    Kris said everyone's hair would be too long for practicality in a '69 Abyss, which makes sense. I watched Dark Star (John Carpenter's first (actually, student) film) recently, where all the astronauts had long hippie hair. Of course, the mission had been going on for 20 years, after which I think they stopped giving a shit.

    • Kyle_Douglas says:

      "Kris says 'Pete's Dragon' a little like 'Pizza Dragon,'"

      Thank you for providing external justification for "Pizza Dragon IMDb" in my search history.

  8. Jor-El says:

    Am I the only one that heard a little bit of Yoda in Mikey's Immortan Joe voice?

  9. TonyLF says:

    Why are you all soooo damn funny!!! I love this podcast!!!!

  10. Giggleloop says:

    Weirdly insightful spam. Can’t argue with the sentiment.

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